Overcoming fear

Please accept my apologies for the absence of blogets in the past few weeks.
The long and short was I got a bag stolen that had my laptop, camera, passport and other bits and bobs in it, so little access to such luxuries has made blogets challenging.

But I'm back thanks to a wonderful little iPad.

This week I flew to Lusaka to get all the relevant new paperwork sorted and realized in doing so had to confront a few fears that i have lived with for years and have been until now easy to disguise.

Although I have flown all over the world I get anxious and prefer to not do it alone. I like my own company but the thought of staying in a hotel/holiday place on my own was until now something I would avoid at all costs. My biggest fear by far in all of this was eating in a restaurant on my own, the thought of it brought a minefield of paranoia and anxiety.  Whilst in the uk I had tried to make steps out of this by purposely going to costa on my own with a book, both time I tried were frankly horrible.

So what do you do. . .
I have to go, I have to get this paperwork....

Flying went very well, small plane but smooth journey this time and I even enjoyed it.
Lusaka Backpackers is a warm and social setting, made a few friends last time I was there, few anxious moments but ..... I enjoyed it.

And then the big one.
I'm sat in my room, I'm hungry, I could stay hungry or just go for it....
Half an hour later and a Nandos chicken salad later, I eat and leave, but I have this sense of crossing a line.
The next evening is my last in the capital and I dream about what I would really like to eat.... Of course,  fillet steak with mushroom sauce fills my mind.  I figure the longer I think about it, the harder it will be. Can I recommend "spurs" if you are ever in southern Africa, it's gooooood food and I enjoyed the whole experience, I sat in peace, enjoyed the atmosphere and loved people watching as I waited for my,delicious by the way, dinner. I finished and just sat, breathing it all in.

I have lived with irritating fears my whole life, some of them related to memories but some just because.
I'm on a quest to not live with them anymore . 
They stop me enjoying every moment, they hinder my love of life and I wasn't born to be held by them.

Here's to increased freedom and being able to laugh at how stupid they were after walking through them and enjoying it.